Sometimes I am more human..

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Sometimes I feel like dancing, or crying, or laughing, or angry, or rebellious, or ambitious, or passionate, without any reason. Thankfully not one of these emotions lasts for long, while some other emotion comes toppling the previous one down. I feel too much human, too full of emotions.

Sometimes, I feel brave to do things and cry afterward. Sometimes, I feel I am here for a good reason, rather a great one. To lead an extraordinary life. For I will do something great one day and make people realize my worth. Those who scorn me, talk behind my back would come and look and get amazed seeing something different in something they have been long accustomed to look at.

Sometimes, I just feel null, a total zero. So low as if I would want a Godly man to hide me in his arms and ask nothing, just keep on repeating “I am here to stay”. Sometimes, it feels so negative as if I will be alone in life and have only me by my side. While sometimes I feel brave enough to feel its better to live alone, travel the world and sleep beneath the stars. At other times, I want someone to count the stars with me.

Sometimes, life feels complete and no other happiness is required. At other times the same situation feels ordinary and every day. Someone who is with you when you least expected him to be, is away when you were sure of his presence beside you.

Sometimes, you are passionate and want to rule the world and dump all those who didn’t believe in yo. But, sometimes you see yourself as a leaf on which many different footprints are visible.

Sometimes and most of the times, You feel alien andEmotionsEye_KS_3

a misfit in this crowded world and realize you have nobody but yourself at your disposal. Sometimes it is a sad thought and at other times it makes you brave…

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Shhhhh….Listen…It speaks

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Sometimes in the middle of the night when everyone’s asleep you just feel like crying, for no reason! It’s just that you are confused about something that’s bothering you and while everyone sleeps you feel you have no one to take you out of that situation and you talk (rather cry) yourself to sleep. Well on the contrary there are times when, after everyone is asleep you feel liberated. As if the world is yours and now you begin to hear what your heart was telling you since morning.

Almost every one of us repeats this dialogue whenever depressed We were born alone and we die alone! Have we ever bothered to wonder why god took such a decision? Not every one of us is as brave as the other. Some are too afraid even with a pinch of darkness, animals, height, water, strangers and what not? Then how can we come alone?

Well, no matter how much we try to burden others with ‘our responsibility’, we by default are given the power to heal ourselves. Nothing works better than talking to yourself,

listening to yourself, spending time with yourself. Is this sounding strange? Let me illustrate. In school times whenever we used to take tuition and assume we have understood, we however didn’t, until we used to spend time again on teaching our own self what the tutor taught us. After a breakup when you are sympathized by your friend who tries to calm you, you feel halfheartedly happy. You only feel fully relieved when you cry to yourself and make yourself believe what your friend told you. Many a times you might have ignored a pimple on your cheek for days and then you saw it getting healed all by itself. You might as well believe you are weak but as soon as someone hurts your ego, you are on your feet and brave enough. Why? Because you yourself can make or break you. You already have two selves within you. One who functions externally and the one who functions internally.

Howsoever might your parents, lover, grandparents, friends tell you “Hey, I know you better than you know yourself” Well it’s a Bollywood lie that’s it. Nobody knows you better than yourself. You know things but you are not brave enough to listen to yourself and rather you give the torch to your parent, friend or lover to light it for you. And then you are all spilled on them-“Oh it is because of you that I am saved, oh thank god you were there”; rather than giving yourself the credit!

This calls for another question. Why are people so depressed? Because they are confused, they have problems and seek answers from people who in turn confuse them with “their own” point of view. So it means that you try to solve “your” problem with “their solution”. And you only end up in victory when their solution was same as what you had thought but never admitted. Otherwise you miserably fail.

Why is it that we hate ourselves and love all others? We don’t trust our self. The reality however is that we find maximum peace with our own self. We might stand in a crowd and feel alone and sit alone and feel content. There might be times when you meet a person who is confident, happy, mutli-talented and charming. And then when you compare him/her to yourself you feel like a complete zero. Is he/she more blessed then you are? or more talented? Or lucky? Of course not. It’s because these are the most intelligent people. Why? Because they don’t lie to themselves. These people have a wholesomeness in their being. Their external and internal being has a close proximity if not unity. They listen to “themselves”, confidence is their highest power which upholds their sense of self more than someone else’s. You try hard to make them look down upon themselves and within that quagmire too, they stand bold. They just know themselves. That’s all that matters. Not the world because they are too unstable to be stable! Their notions are never written down and inked, they are always in the air governed by the heat and the cold of the ambiance. They don’t waste their sense of self for such a feeble notion as “what others might think of me”. They are just true to themselves and that is the very sea that springs them up with confidence.

So…..just listen, it speaks. Your soul, inner voice, gut, conscience, god, or whatsoever your belief lies in..Just listen, it speaks, let him speak and shut up the others. You would wake up to your new self and would relish that voice more than anyone else’s. Because it’s none else than you. The great poet Kahlil Gibran has realized it too when he said:

No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge”

Trust yourself. Love yourself. Hear yourself.

 

A new idol thus born

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I often wondered at the luck of those who were there to witness the power and magic of idols like Martin Luther King, Mahatama Gandhi, Napoleon Bonaparte, Abraham Lincoln, Jawahar Lal Nehru etc. However recently Delhi too witnessed a leader of the new era- Arvind Kejriwal. A common man on strikes and rebellions to the CM of the capital of India, Delhi.

“The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne says “whatever the mind can conceive it can achieve”. This theoretical doctrine was transformed into reality by this man. He showed how a simple engineer can aim to change the world. Kejriwal who hails from a small village, became educated and sought to do what the commoners can’t think of. While the commons talk of the issues spurting debates, arguments sitting in a circle of friends; Kejriwal made that circle the entire country.

Since the time he came as a challenge to the hegemonic political parties of India-Congress and BJP, he was mocked at, mimicked and abused. All this as a defense mechanism to control the ‘one’ voice of outward rebellion. His simple dressing sense, from his muffler to his ‘Gandhian cap’ all were used as caricatures to mock him. Even mockery over networking sites couldn’t shake his courage.

Kejriwal began his professional life as an engineer. His higher aims in life lead him to the job of income tax commissioner. However the honest and principled man in him never allowed the discrepancies in income tax department to pass his notice. He thus organized NGO’s like Parivartan and Kabir to fight the rights of the common man. He went to the extent of joining a protest against corruption in the form of a fast unto death with Anna Hazare and landing into the politics for its cleansing altogether. He thus became a menace to the ‘no one fearing’ political parties. He fought his very first election as a leader of a new party named Aam Admi Party which defeated Sheila Dixit. The one who won 3 consecutive elections for CM in Delhi, by 22,000 seats.

This man came into politics to cure the system and soon became an enemy to the corrupt power of tones enjoying the prestige of richness. He unmasked people like Robert Wadra, Anil Ambani, and many ministers of parliament. His only power was his faith in himself and his supporters, the commons.

He identified the heart of the common man. Everything he said was with respect to the people of India. No oratorical skills, no use of hyperbole or rhetoric’s. But simple language from a common man to the commons. The only thing made him the leader is his undying spirit, his perseverance for his goal.

The commons end a debate concluding on the mighty power of politicians. However this man changed the idea of government governed not by those in power but by those who gave the powerful their power. He crushed the long nourished arrogance of the so called powerful political party fighting, alone. He with his handful of ministers was capable of sweeping the players of politics.

Kejriwal in 2013 had resigned his seat as a CM of Delhi when he crushed the power of Congress into pieces. Though he resigned because of his principles, he was defamed as a coward who ran away from the duties assigned to him. All powerful bodies clubbed against him. Famous anchors of renowned news channels like Aajtak, Ndtv and Zee news interviewed Kejriwal in a hostile manner. Their purpose seemed to annoy him so that another accusation against him could be formulated. An NGO AVAM which comprises of people detached from AAP political party posed allegations on Kejriwal on the funds he received during the elections. Leaders of BJP and Congress were no less in ridiculing him. BJP went to an extreme extent. Not only did the PM hailing from BJP held four rallies all having the same subject- abuse of Kejriwal. More so, their CM candidate Kiran Bedi used derogatory language to address Kejriwal, the one who repeatedly called her his ‘sister’. When the world stood against the common man with its full force, he used the power of his commonness to defeat the powerful.

In every interview he said he trusts his people, he believed in himself, in his fate. When his own party disintegrated after the fall of his government in 2013, his fame descended. Nevertheless the man still rose to power, winning the hearts of yet more number of people now. On February 10, 2015 he changed the face of Indian politics. The miraculous victory even after so many hardships came like what people called a tsunami. Even the power of the heartthrob PM couldn’t sway people elsewhere. Nor did the advertisements in newspapers caricaturing Kejriwal had any effect on those hypnotized by the strength and bravery the man epitomizes. Even the founders of Congress fear assassination and therefore never contest elections on the face of it. Here a man with no powerful affiliations, no support from the elites, Bollywood or a religious guru dares to fight even the PM.

Such valor isn’t seen nowadays when the common fears to help even an accident victim laying on the road, fearing the police and the system. This man entered the politics when the youth was so wary of the corruption in politics. He identified their cause and led the young into a direct debate with the politics of India. Hitherto many registered voters didn’t vote feeling nothing can change the face of our government. But Kejriwal’s words did make a significant change. The numbers of voters increased from 58% in 2012 to 66% in 2013 and 67% in 2014 elections. 2013 was the year Kejriwal rose to power and thence rose the voter count. He affirmed the youth that they too can change the scenario they are fed up with.

Today, Delhi is ready for the birth of a new India, when the common man will sit on a throne of power. The power that is required to cleanse the system with sheer honesty and moral strength. To change the face of Indian politics from a quagmire to a transparent administration. He made use of the word democracy and taught a lesson to the arrogant. From now on no common could say ‘I can’t bring about change, I am a common man’

The Ultimate God

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“Religion is the opium of the people”

-Karl Marx

This statement is an ultimate truth for the world drenched in the medication called religion.

Since childhood, I have been visiting places with my parents, where I could never connect to. It is some kind of a hermitage (an ashram precisely). People in large amounts would be present, walking like herds as if towards a confirmed salvation. I had been going to different ones belonging to the same Guru as my parents call them. I would always feel drowsy while attending those and viewed them all as picnic spots till I grew up.

As I came to my senses and could fathom tentative meaning of the world, I protested. Significant amount of bruises where the outcome of not conforming to a belief I never had faith in. After incessant fights my stubborn, adamant self, won. I was blown out as an atheist.

No, I am not an atheist but a very spiritual person. I believe in the religion of humanity. I raise my hands in prayer in front of a church, a mosque, a temple, a gurudwara. Precisely not because in these places resides God. It is so because inside the tranquil spaces one can easily hear ones conscience which for me is my God.

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God isn’t a force to be divided into sects and fought upon. For me it dwells inside the very voice that talks to you while nobody cares to do these days. I talk to him every night, I share my day with him. He illuminates ways for me through omens, through vibes through an angel inside. One doesn’t need a coconut, a wine, a chaadar or prasaad to worship. There is an easier and profound way of conversing via heart which is economical and safe.

When I saw Pk by Rajkumar Hirani i was amazed at the kind of bravado that he showcased by releasing his ideology worldwide. More so being a resident of a country who is constantly at war because of one religion or the other. When I tried to fight on a personal level with two reluctant fundamentalists they went hostile. That day I realized what a voluptuous entity religion is. However this film PK comes as an eye opener for the religious fundamentalists who made religion but a trade. Pk’s act of not able to decipher what kind of “fee” which God would prefer for the fulfillment of his wish is a significant one. If we go deep into mythology which generated these religion, no God or Guru ever attained the divine light through a fee. It is never said that such and such guru offered this sum, this stuff or that property in order to attain his wish.

The only one way preached through them all is meditation. A way to have a conversation with God via your heart and soul as a medium. No church, no mosque, no temple was laid as a destination by them to attain divinity. These are merely the places they lived in, that today we mark as holy places. It is ironical how we adore their house, their bed, their footprints as holy and not their beliefs. It pains to see how humans loath humans for religion. How one scorns the other, kills or rejects the other because of adhering apparently to a way to attain his God.

Sixteen years of war in Germany between Protestants and Catholics, the Holocaust between Catholics and Jews, Indo-Pak divide between Hinduism and Islam are ironically wars for preserving one’s belief and thereby protecting “their” God.  Nobody knows whose God is the supreme one. Every religion says God is one and still they preach several Gods according to their wish. They feel their religion is right and their God is “the God”. Little do they realize that paths may differ but a destination never loses its identity. They may preach different Gods because of different language but should realize them all as the same. Christ, Guru Nanak, Shiva, allah as the same. They kill innocents and mark it as a religious war where this violence is allowed because their lord is in danger.

This governs terrorism which is predominantly known to uphold one kind of religious sect. It is nothing but the fear of being a minority which ones held great power. Their religious fears over their ideologies, their god is what today has taken the ugly shape of terrorism. This terrorism has its roots in religion. Fighting for their identity of God as the real one, forgetting what he said about humanity.

It is not uncommon for people around us to lead us into some kind of herd preaching the kind of God in vogue. It is for us to decide whom to follow the crowd outside or the tranquility within. Wars will vanish if some day people believed in their conscience, their inner angel named God.

“My conscience is captive to the word of God”

-Martin Luther

“Conscience is God present in man”

-Victor Hugo

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Mary Kom — an epitome of perfect womanhood , a path breaking persona for females who dream.

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In spite of being a girl I wasn’t really interested in the movie, may be a hangover of patriarchal mindsets around me. I heard people saying what kind of ‘silly’, ‘useless’ movies are being produced these days. These people where the male chauvinist who find it silly when a female oriented movie appears on-screen. They are only interested in seeing her in steamy scenes, item numbers or their most favorite an ‘obedient family bahu’. She isn’t supposed to have her dreams or aspire to serve the nation in any sense.

A fine example of my conviction is a dearth of crowd I saw while watching the movie “Mary Kom” in spite of running for mere 5 days from now. However the situation was extremely opposite when I saw a series of houseful when a similar genre movie was released much before this movie. The difference is not because of directors, producers, banners or star cast, the difference lies in the orient. The former movie talks of a female while the latter is based upon a male.

It really hurts to digest the thought that a female sportsperson isn’t famous enough even after gathering gold medals around the world, that too in a sport like boxing which is known to be a male domain. However a male sportsperson is a star celeb. This poignant issue comes to light even in the movie. While travelling in a bus with her husband, Mary is talking to a father-daughter duo. They talk of Mary kom but haven’t seen her. It may be in statistics but people at large are oblivious of her presence.

 

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The story line for me is an epic. It reinstated the fact how being a female is a boon and a bane at the same time. Boon because she has the power to give birth which a male can never have. But a bane otherwise. A movie based on a sportsmen’s extreme endeavor as a road to his success is an inspiration. But a movie based on a sportswomen’s struggle to fight her family, then society, then coach, then marital life, motherhood And perseverance is certainly a soul inflaming inspiration.

Mary kom played by Priyanka Chopra in the movie was a sheer mark of excellence. She truly had the power to stir people from their comfort zones. This happened to me for the first time that while watching a movie I felt restless. My body was as if in tune with her. I was in a to and fro motion while sitting. I felt the blows on her face and her success and tears. Such was the magic.

The movie is very well laid in contemporary times when career oriented females are on rise. However while eavesdropping many a times I realized the stagnant mindsets of our Indian society which deems it as an evil. It is so because she has started living her dreams and is no more engrossed in the tastes of buds. People are looking for housewives now, as an independent women would be assertive and would put herself before her family, causing havoc. Well, the scenario is quite opposite in the movie and real life of Mary Kom. She followed her heart’s desire when it was necessary to do so, while initiating her first struggle from her home. She married when it was the right time. She gave birth to twins even after giving a pause to her career which was on its peak. She became a good daughter, wife and mother. What about her dream? It was lost in this new-born world.    

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But it was the support of her husband which brought her back in the ring. This again is uncommon. People don’t feel women are strategic enough to handle everything and demean her from reaching heights. They forget that a little support will pave the way for her successful career and family life. This support was a gift to Mary Kom and is a desire for women struck in four walls. If not society at least he who takes seven vows to protect and keep her happy, can employ his support keeping those in mind. This is the threshold where a women stands. If her husband lends her a hand she can turn a stone into a rose. If not she herself is merely a stone.

This movie is a two-fold inspiration for females to dream, and live and die fulfilling their dream; and males to lend them a hand who left herself at her maternal home and undergoes a re-birth only to serve him well. Only then can a nation produce a Mary Kom, a Kalpana Chawla, a Sanya Mirza and so on to serve the nation and assert the power of womanhood.

Some lines from Maya Angelou’s poem came to my mind while watching the movie:

“You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise”

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Misanthrope

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Do I have a heart of stone?

Or is it numb?
Or have I none?

Why don’t I cherish what people do?
Am I a beast?
Worthy of disgust.
I don’t want a crowded street
People flooding disgust me.
Sometimes an acquaintance takes
Away my heart
At others I know not the one
Living besides me for years.
At times I don’t pay back
Her love
She who takes all my whims
And fancies
I rather lay back mumbling
At the factors which ridicule her.

People of my age I see
Busy engaging themselves with them
An update, a status, a picture.
I imagine how they have
People worthy of their love
I don’t find that string
Which is said to be attached to them.

I love not the tools of my birth
Then how Can I love anybody ever
How could a barren soil
Dream to beget a flower.

I see her sweating all day long
Only for a taste on buds
That tender heart begins a cry
Only with a pinch of misery.
Though I know not why
I don’t feel giving her my shoulder
Rather I am critical and often
Shut her up with an ugly chiding.

He talks to me or at least tries
To become more than an acquaintance
Shares his happiness and praises acquired
Hoping to start a conversation.
I still find myself engaged
In jotting evidences against my begetter
Hear words of my heart
That sound as his critique.

I love not all but I love still
When love can die for it
Am I still a beast?
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