Space: An abstract idea of fruitful relationships
Friendship is a word that defines relationships. Its constituents are understanding, trust and accepting the other as an individual. If a relation lacks this recipe and rejects the idea of friendship as its base, then it collapses. You live carefree in friendship, happy and autonomous. That’s because you are not yet chained. If you enter a relation and still be carefree and happy that means you have excelled the phenomena of friendship as a tool for a healthy relationship.
This friendship model has the third constituent as its supreme goal. Giving the other person the space and be aware of his ‘otherness’. This is the major reason of failure in successful relationships.
In a child-parent relationship the parent often forgets that. He believes what he does and had done and has been doing is always right for his son too. The very idea of his son being the ‘other’ individual doesn’t belong to him. This disbelief often turns the child against the parent. Not being able to understand him as a person though small but in flesh and blood.
The lack of space leads to suffocation in a relationship that drives the two individual away. This need for space increases the distance between the parent and the child.
Same happens in a man-women relationship. If a man repeatedly pokes a finger in every act of the women’s life, the two fall apart. No matter how you may love the other one but she is actually the ‘other’ one. She has her likes and dislikes, her beliefs and disbeliefs.
The space which we believe is an area where there exists no gravitational force. One floats there. The same feeling is derived when we understand the need and importance of this space. It leaves us ecstatic. A happy man can never be the reason of someone’s sorrow. Also a fertile soil nourishes every plant grown over it. The same happens with people who live this space in them. They are full of fertility, they never go barren. They breed happiness as naturally as vegetation.
Compare this to the feeling one might encounter in a bus loaded with people. You may repeatedly stand on your heels to breathe. This happens when people enter into your space calling it ‘ours’. There is no our space. Everyone needs their own. Try sowing two seeds closely with each other. After a few days you will see both dead. It’s because they shared what was supposed to be distinct for both. If one tries to overpower your space it leads to claustrophobia. This finally strangulates the relationship you are in. Be it a child-parent or man-women relation. You feel an encroachment upon your path, a hindrance to your growth.
This abstract idea is one of the major causes of breaking up relationship of all kind. Taking a person you love as an individual and not becoming his/her owner. Nobody owns anyone. God owns us all.
These chains are hindrance to a growth be it of an animal or an individual. Relations should never live in cages and chains, the only result will be a rotten stink due to its death.
” But alas,the world is not a wish granting factory”
-John greene (The fault in our stars)
Life seems to be a night without any clue what the weather next morning will be. It’s exciting but intimidating too. Scared to think what might happen to people you love. Or perhaps you yourself might be the victim of god’s fancies. All this cleaves the heart into two. One that fears why at all should we live and what if we die today. The other wants to breathe the few left valid moments of life. One feels making relationships would lead to happiness. The other feels the effort is no more than to try to hold onto the sand in our hands for long, before it falls away and be a part of the vast ocean of its descendants. Forever to get lost in the abyss, with no more a distinct identity. Either they’ll be first or you to ascend to your real abode. Misery certainly is inevitable.
Bless the heart that watches someone daily leading towards the end of his journey. Who sits beside the traveler telling him not to worry or perhaps the usual “you’ll be fine”. Where deep inside he too fears the loss…perhaps ill rather be the traveler and not the consoling beloved. Because to bear your pain is easier than seeing a beloved suffering. To travel is easier than standing at your threshold and intending to lead the same life while a big change is about to happen.
Reading The fault in our stars leaves us with the same feeling. How everyday ones escapes death, plays with it when you never know when you will be caught. Hitherto Hazel felt like a grenade who would blow up people’s life and leave only victims and scars behind. Her cancerous self, rejected any idea of getting “hooked up” with a boy she felt highly attracted to. Though spending time with him, her appetite could no longer resist the temptation and she gave in. The point when she kissed Augustus she lost the battle of her mind against her heart, giving her senses the pleasure of being in love. Little did she knew she herself fell for a grenade which exploded her life up, leaving her as a casualty with unbearably beloved scars.
The plot shows how life has its twists and turns. One may not know when the visa we brought for travelling down to earth may expire. It’s as if hazel got a gift in lieu of her diseased self. A person who loved her and died loving her making her a part of the last moments of his life through the letters he left for Van
Houten. Where in the first half Hazel was the next feed of the dust, Augustus preceded her.It is certainly about…The fault in our stars which can make or break the constellation of life.
The thing with watching the movie is that those that die in it are actually alive. You can still see Ansel Elgort alive.However the novels makes you cry more because you know there certainly was some Augustus waters who died giving Hazel a reason to live.